3 Things You Should Know About Fear

Especially if you think it might be standing in your way...

Has fear been in your way of really leaning into your heart’s desires and owning who you truly are as a leader?


Many people know me today as one of the top coaches for women who desire to play big in the world of healing yet, this wasn’t always how I used to show up.


In fact, fear was something that held me back for a long time until I made some profound discoveries that I’d really love to share with you all in hopes that you, too, can get out of your own way and turn the dial up on your impact.


The First-Exposing the Illusion that Fear is Something we NEED to Overcome

Back in May of this past year, I set off on a 3 month solo traveling journey through South East Asia where I would eventually learn some of the most incredible, soul expanding lessons. Before I left I had this idea, or expectation rather, that I would be overcoming so many of my biggest fears just by saying yes to the experience, but that actually didn’t happen at all. What did end up happening was a completely different discovery about fear that set me free of its limitations. I still carry many of the same fears, but now I just show up a little differently in the face of discomfort and here is why.


A few days after I arrived in Nepal and did some exploring on my own, I met up with two of my very best friends and, together, we planned our trekking adventure to the beautiful Himalayas. Our journey to get to our starting point, the town of Ghandruk, 1,940M altitude, involved a 6 hour local Nepali bus ride from Pokhara.


Now I know that sounds like it’s fairly doable until I explain that this was more like a 6 hour off-roading experience in a really old school bus, unequipped for off-roading according to my conditioned American standards of safety, up VERY narrow pathways on extremely high cliffs-and did I forget to mention that I am terrified of heights?

You can say I was extremely afraid, yet that wouldn’t do my fear level any justice. In fact, I spent a lot of the time playing out different scenarios in my head of all the possible ways I might die and pondering all of the things I’d regret not doing. I know! Who would put themselves through such a seemingly awful experience?


Second- Understanding That You Wouldn’t Believe What’s On The Other Side!

Well, the truth is, quite the handful of people and the reason being is that, if and when you can actually calm your nerves down enough to take a moment getting present, the views are actually breath taking.


I didn’t really get this until the music that was playing over the loud speakers on the ceiling of the bus suddenly switched from Nepali style dance music to Blank Space by Taylor Swift.


My soul brother, Scotty came to the back of the bus where I was sitting and he could not stop laughing at the situation and how crazy we were for being there. As frustrating as this was for my terror, I actually couldn’t help but to smile a little myself. “How in the heck did I get here?”, I thought.

Third-Ask Yourself: “How Can I Surrender & Soften Into The Experience?”

We started singing and dancing to the song and of course I whipped out my phone to film this epic moment and I just couldn’t believe it was all happening. I used to try to avoid anything and everything that would scare me, but there I was, sitting in one of the most terrifying experiences of my entire life and I was having a dance party.

There is a beautiful passage by Pema Chödrön, a wise American Tibetan Buddhist that really resonated with me in this experience:


“Wherever we are, we can train as a warrior. The practices of meditation, loving-kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity are our tools. With the help of these practices, we can uncover the soft spot of bodhichitta. We will find that tenderness in sorrow and in gratitude. We will find it behind the hardness of rage and in the shakiness of fear. It is available in loneliness as well as in kindness.
Many of us prefer practices that will not cause discomfort, and at the same time we want to be healed. But bodhichitta training doesn’t work that way. A warrior accepts that we can never know what will happen to us next. We can try to control the uncontrollable by looking for security and predictability, always hoping to be comfortable and safe. But the truth is that we can never avoid uncertainty. This not knowing is part of the adventure, and it’s also what makes us afraid.
Bodhichitta training offers no promise of happy endings. Rather, this “I” who wants to find security—who wants something to hold on to—can finally learn to grow up. The central question of a warrior’s training is not how we avoid uncertainty and fear, but how we relate to discomfort. How do we practice with difficulty, with our emotions, with the unpredictable encounters of an ordinary day?”

We’ve all sort of been under this impression that we must overcome fear or maybe even avoid it all together, but the problem with that idea is that it’s very unrealistic. Everyone experiences fear to some degree in their own ways and that’s simply because we are human and can tend to have an un-satiated desire to control the outcome of certain situations, especially the ones that make us uncomfortable.


Once we really get that this idea, in itself, is an illusion, as we can never really know what will happen next, we can then practice courage & patience. We can choose to experience the fear and still continue to take forward action. Fear is a part of being human, so please believe me when I say you are NOT alone in this.


Instead of attempting to map out ways you can overcome fear & uncertainty or even avoid it all together, try to see the possibility in the more subtle, yet substantial victories in simply softening into the experience.


You might just attract the life you've been dreaming of and so much more.

Did you love this message? Please like and leave a comment below! Have a warrior friend who might be in her own way & could benefit from reading this? The power is in sharing. I am grateful to have you all along for this incredible warrior journey.


Xoxo,

Candy

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